Using Mindset to Live a Fuller Life

On 30zzz, Brad Bollenbach discusses how to embrace rejection to live the life we really want to live. He explains the problem people have with being rejected from the perspective of the ego. In short, the ego loves reinforcement of its believed identity and abhors all contradictions with rejection being among the most nefarious forms. Brad pushes us to realize that even if our ego is hurt, we are still fundamentally sound. Unchanged. This train of thought has been tremendously useful for me in practice.

Despite my success with the above train of thought, I would like to offer an alternative methodology. This methodology is based on Professor Carol Dweck’s book called “Mindset.” In the book, she contrasts the Fixed and the Growth mindsets. People with the Fixed Mindset (FM) are constantly looking for opportunities to show their superiority over and over while avoiding anything that may not validate them. Why? Because they think talent/ability/skill is fixed. People with the Growth Mindset (GM) are constantly looking for challenges--that is, things that are not knowingly within their ability. Why? Because they think talent/ability/skill can grow. The gross overgeneralization is that fixed mindset people don’t do as well as people with the growth mindset.

Understandably, people with the FM, believe their self-worth is derived from succeeding. Given where their self-worth is derived from, it is no wonder they don’t challenge themselves. There’s a risk of potentially NOT succeeding. And if you don’t succeed at a task, then, well, you’re a failure. Damn! This FM is a poison (not to mention nonsensical)! I think this is the same line of thinking that keeps people from living the life they really want to live. Yeah that woman is hella attractive, but I won’t talk to her because she might reject me (and I’ll be a failure). Yeah that company seems really cool, but I might not make it through their rigorous interview process and they’ll reject me (and I’ll be a failure). Yeah being an entrepreneur sounds awesome, but the company may not take off (and I’ll be a failure). Have you ever had any of these thoughts, or something similar? Don’t fret, there’s another way.

This alternative way is the GM. People with the GM are not delusional. That is, they can see things that they DO as successful or unsuccessful. However, their self-worth isn’t tied up in the success of any event. You see, people with the GM view challenges (i.e., events that *may* not validate them) as opportunities. They view challenges as the things that give life it’s variety and spice. If they succeed, great! They’ve done something they were not certain they were capable of. Have you ever done that? Didn’t you feel pretty damn good afterward?? If you talk to that attractive girl, and hit it off with her, SWEET! If you make it through that interview and are able to work with that cool company, SWEET! If you start that company and it succeeds, HELLA SWEET!

If people with the GM don’t succeed, great! They’ve just learned something really valuable in a way that only experience can deliver. Moreover, this experience will make them stronger and better and therefore help them GROW. If that attractive girl shoots you down, at least you now know and don’t have to live with shouldas/wouldas/couldas. Moreover, you may have learned something about effective socializing. If that company rejects you for not interviewing very well, then at least you now know and don’t have to live with shouldas/wouldas/couldas, and you now have the benefit of experiencing such an interview process. It may also help you determine what you need to focus on for your next interview. If your startup doesn’t succeed, at least you now know and don’t have to live with shouldas/wouldas/couldas. Beyond that, I guarantee you’ll learn a TON and the experience will make you a tremendous resource in future endeavors.

If you despise shouldas/wouldas/couldas, living life in the GM seems to be the most logical frame of mind to embrace. It’s difficult to imagine how you wouldn’t be able to approach your own potential under the GM. People with the FM like having the ability to say that they didn’t give their best, and therefore things in the past could’ve worked out better had they put in more effort. People with the GM, on the other hand, find past events that they care about where they didn’t give their all to be soul crushing and therefore hate shouldas/wouldas/couldas. These people like being able to look back and say that they gave all they had to things they valued.

And as you may have guessed, you take on the GM by simply being aware of it, and making choice to be in that mindset. Yes, it really is that easy. Do not take my word for it though. Go into the world and exercise this mentality.

source:-how2livelife.blogspot.com